More About Thesis Statements & Student Samples

I understand what you are saying here in terms of the necessity of suffering. That is a nice way to put that. But in terms of wording or language it might sound a little odd to say "she acquires a friendship through Augustus". You could simply say that "through her friendship with Augustus she realizes the necessity of suffering because as he says 'pain needs to be felt'". In your essay we just need that thesis to be a bit more concrete and as went talked about earlier- debatable, i.e. not a summary statement.

A summary tells us what happened in the book; a debatable thesis argues that we should read the book in a certain way or interpret the characters actions in a certain light. When you tell me that Hazel realizes that suffering was necessary you are not really arguing anything, you are simply telling me about a realization she came to in the book--chiefly a summary detail. But when you talk about why she came to that realization you are moving in a better direction. However it still has to be debatable. Stating that Augustus changed Hazel's understanding of suffering is not something we could argue to readers. It is still summarizing a main plot point of the book and a statement almost all readers would agree with. So what are arguments that could be more debatable? Let's think about a few potential example debatable topics below and I'll leave them blank in a few spots so you can fill them in mentally with whatever you would argue.  These are just to get you thinking about possibilities, not anything I would want you to word-for-word use. You'll want to craft a thesis in your own words.

1) -- In writing FIOS Green knew that his character Hazel needed to be disillusioned by Van Houten to come to _________ conclusion   (You fill in the blank)

2) --To create a deeper level of meaning and character development in his book, Green had to make the choice to essentially kill off one of the main characters. Far from a literary cheap trick, Green uses the death of Augustus Waters to______________________ for Hazel's characer. Had Augustus lived, such development, or transition, would not have been possible for Hazel.

3) --Caroline Mathers' character in The Fault in Our Stars was one of Green's more significant, albeit minor, characters for the stereotype breaking implications that surround her. Deceased Mathers defies the stereotype of a cancer patient when Hazel learns through Augustus the nature of her true character. She was not just a hero, or victim, or martyr. On occasion she was a bully, she was unkind, and she behaved at times quite unheroically. Because of this we see her as someone with a genuine human personality, riddled with common flaws. Like Van Houten she is perfectly imperfect and as such she remains, if not a central character, one of the most influential ones in broadcasting Green's message than cancer patients are first and foremost human.

Do you see how in the above topic ideas they are all debatable? Some readers might be persuaded to agree with those claims and some might never agree. That makes them an argument that a writer would have to work to prove.

Go back up and read your orginal statements. Do you see how they do not need necessairly to be proved. You are telling what happens to Hazel but it is unlikely anyone who has read the book would disagree with the statement that "through Augustus Hazel learns to define herself as more than just a girl with cancer."  Come up with a thesis statement that is an arguable claim-- something that makes a statement about how we should make sense of the book, or a character, or a plot device. And it has to be a statement where another side could be argued, even argued successfully. 

Let me give you another example from FIOS

--- If you say that Hazel and Augustus were two strong emotionally intelligent characters whose struggles with illness bonded them together you are not really making an argument. You are  summarizing a main plot line in the book. No reader would disagree with that statement and yet many students want to focus on this in their second paper. It's not an argumentative claim; it is summary; or at best a claim that no one would disagree with.

--If you were to argue that author John Green uses the YA dying adolescent lit model and deliberately takes it in a new direction by creating a sarcastic flawed satirical main female protagonist instead of one who more closely embodies this idea of the "heroic, kind, and noble dying" girl and he does this with the goal of humanizing Hazel and making her more real, more relate-able , more human then you are moving in a more debatable direction because you are trying to argue that the author is attempting to do something different with his character Hazel, something that breaks down a familiar mold for a particular purpose.

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For example looking at our first book Monster: Despite common cultural stereotypes we see presented about the African-American community or black youths in general throughout Monster, Steve Harmon is in many ways, at least initially, a contradiction. Meyers breaks stereotypes in his creation of lead character Steve Harmon, a young black male from a "comparatively" stable home with two supportive parents. He is not typecast as a youth with disinterested parents, from a unstable home, struggling to live on a day to day basis and being deprived of basic necessities or a support system. He is in fact an example of a minority that a larger society might argue should not fall off track. In many ways readers could call him privileged to some degree based on elements in his background; yet he ends up in jail accused of murder. 

A thesis could speculate on why this happens to Steve------ 

because of some fault, or prejudice, in the legal system?, 

because of some flaw or need in Steve's own character to seek out poor company? 

because his support system was still not enough to keep him away from bad influences? 

because as a young minority male in some ways he was already setup for this type of "failure"? 

All of the above angles would make for a debatable, and potentially hot-button, argument. You would be trying to convince your readers to read/understand the book (and its racial/political implications)  in a certain way on certain terms. And some readers would agree with you, and others would need a lot of convincing indeed. Does that make sense?

-Monster is a book published in the late 90s where our author Walter Dean Meyers strives to show the stereotypes that exist about African-American youth in the criminal system. Much of the plot and text point to inherent racism and a "guilty until proven innocent attitude' towards these youths. One could likely argue that Meyers is attempting to expose this tendency toward stereotypes and racism in his book. All of that said, the book focuses on a protagonist who by virtue of his stable home life and supportive educational environment, is in fact, not initially a stereotype. Furthermore, one might wonder, at the behavior of other flawed characters like antagonist James King, and question if by making King such a stock "bad" character, is Meyers actually enforcing stereotypes about disadvantaged black youths? Steve Harmon comes from a good home, has a film teacher mentor who believes in him, parents who love him, and a brother he loves. And as readers much of the book pulls us towards his innocence. King however is from a rougher environment and he is kept at a distance from us. He is depicted as violent and cruel. He is portrayed as the real criminal while Steve is not. (Why?.......................................................).

The paper then could continue by investigating one of the following:

-- the role and presentation of stereotypes in the book, 

- how much Harmon's film teacher's testimony might have had an influence on the trial, 

--how much power Steve gives to others in constructing his own identity (perhaps you'll claim that he listens to negative viewpoints more, or not), 

-- the role and influence Steve's homelife did or did not have on his behavior 

--or  whether or not you feel Steve is truly innocent. Much points to Steve being present in the store and possibly giving a signal. I have had students feel frustrated because they felt he was guilty, not of murder, but of being a participant of attempted robbery that turned sour..etc. So there are some gray areas.

--or think about how much racism is actually presented and to what effect

No matter what starting topic you use, a thesis must be the presentation of a claim that is debatable. It cannot be a summary statement like Steve's parents influenced his adolescence. No, to be debatable it would need to argue to what degree Steve's parents influenced his development. See the difference?

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Student Sample Thesis Statements (from Paper 1 & 2)

Notice in the examples below how all of these thesis statements are posing an argument about our readings. 

Remember these are excerpts taken from more fully-bodied intros that provide more context and details. Below I have just copied the sentences that spell out a thesis claim.

A few of these examples are from books we do not read, but have been read previously in ENG 271. They are all still strong examples. 

All of these are taken from our sample papers so please please take some time to read through the sample papers. They are not perfect, but they are all high-scoring and very strong essays to read as you work on yours.

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Influenced by her five siblings, school environments, and migrant camps, the author was shown time and time again that her Mexican heritage was unimportant. Elva demonstrates an unconscious desire to be white throughout most of her life, because “whiteness” denotes acceptance, achievement, and wealth. Throughout her life, Elva’s sisters taught her that her Mexican culture was substandard, and set the foundation for her desire to disconnect with her Mexican identity.

-The argument is that Elva longs to be white because of what "whiteness" means/ how it is defined by others.

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As a result of simultaneously living in both the Mexican American and mainstream cultures, Elva develops a “double-consciousness” similar to that described by Du Bois.  Although she became a successful business woman earning a six figure salary, she continued to see herself through the eyes of “the world” as a ”poor Mexican American” with “dirty feet, brown skin, downcast eyes” (i).  This unresolved double consciousness is reflected throughout the book in her ambiguous depiction of her family, her social status, her career, and her identity as a Mexican migrant child.  

-This is a literary example. The argument is the presence of an unresolved double consciousness.

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Without parental involvement, love, stability and attention in the home, Kody finds solace in gang life and joins The Crips.   He looked for acceptance and guidance in these gang affiliations and lived only for the gang.  It is this paper’s theory, Kody turned to the gang life in order to gain a sense of self, acceptance, and respect, all of which were absent in his home life.

-This could seem like a summary. But the argument that is essential is not that Kody finds solace in gang life, but that he seeks it out from gang life because it is not present in his home life. Here the writer is trying to prove that if stability or acceptance is lacking in the home the adolescent will seek it out elsewhere.

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In her vividly emotional autobiography Barefoot Heart, former migrant Elva Trevino Hart demonstrates that it is possible to break the cycle of generational poverty and thrive due to her own perseverance to help herself succeed. Despite the challenges of being a minority and having a small income background, Elva discovers how to make a life for herself that challenges her stereotype. With the help and support of her teachers, community, and her own personal drive, Elva defies the expectations of her family and the prejudicial society around her, proving that education is, perhaps, one of the only and most likely ways to improve one's life circumstances. 

-The key to this argument is in the last lines where the writer asserts that education is the essential key in improving one's circumstances as demonstrated by Elva Hart's memoir. The first part sounds like all summary and it is, but then the writer makes the statement that it is education (one of the only and most likely ways) that made Elva's future success possible.

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 One would assume that Hazel is depressed because she has cancer and is going to die, but I don't think Hazel is depressed because of her circumstances. Hazel is depressed because she doesn't know how to be anything but a girl with cancer. The culture of death surrounds her and she has lost touch with who she is outside of that culture. Finding out who you are: what you feel, believe, and desire is part of growing up. Figuring out who you are as an individual can be difficult when you're stuck in letting your culture be the only definition you have of yourself as a person. Hazel Grace is depressed not because she is dying, but because she is struggling with defining herself outside of the culture of death and dying.

The writer is arguing that Hazel is not depressed because she has a looming  (but date unknown) death sentence, but rather because she has no identity outside of her cancer and is not able to define herself in the larger "normalized" world. Hazel's essential crisis then is not one of shortened mortality but one of a lost or nonfunctional identity.

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In her riveting novel A Step From Heaven, author An Na portrays the difficulties of a Korean family adjusting to an American lifestyle. Although the Park family moves to America with hope for a brighter future, they are unable to find opportunities for success. Our protagonist, Young Ju, initially believes that America will be a heavenly place to live; however, she is uncomfortable in this new environment, particularly with a father who refuses to leave his Korean standards behind. Throughout these vignettes, Young Ju and her family demonstrate the extreme disconnect between Korean and American values, proving that one can never fully integrate into a new society and leave their former values behind them.

This writer is making the very bold statement of claiming that it is impossible to ever fully assimilate into a new society and manage to leave former cultural values/ideologies behind. It's a large claim, but one that makes sense in that the past always influences/ shapes the future. We are not just a consequence or compilation of our current environment but also often our cultural inheritance as well. 

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Yuki is an adolescent living in the wrong world. She does not fit in with the Japanese culture around her, and is better suited for life in the United States. In Shizuko's Daughter, written by Kyoko Mori, Yuki frequently acts uncharacteristically for a Japanese person. She does not conform to Japanese culture, which is insolent in a country that thrives on conformity. Yuki is an individual and that attribute would be accepted and welcomed in the United States.

Here our writer is making the argument that Yuki's personality, behavior, and values are better suited for our individualistic American culture than her collective female-submissive Japanese culture. This is certainly a provocative statement and what would make it even more successful would be if the writer were to also talk about how the author of Shuzuko's Daughter, Kyoko Mori, is in fact an assimilated Japanese-American who relocated to America as a teenager. Did she perhaps model Yuki after herself and her influenced American values?

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Hideki's attitude of avoidance and indifference makes him one of the people most responsible for the dysfunctional family life we see portrayed in "Shizuko's Daughter". His indifference towards his daughter Yuki begins well before his wife Shizuko's death, and continues through his marriage to his mistress Hanae, up until Yuki abruptly leaves for college. This indifference negatively impacts Yuki and Hanae's relationship, as Hideki neither defends nor reprimands Yuki or Hanae for their behavior. Rather, he keeps quiet and pretends he does not see the bitterness and resentment the two women have for each other. He is more concerned about what others will think than he is about his wives, both Shizuko and Hanae, and his daughter, and the relationships they culture in his absence. 

Our writer is making a specific argument about the effects and consequences of Hideki's behavior. It's a direct clear argument. To take this even further specific connections linking Hideki's behavior to larger cultural norms could also be made.